my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
how does that bad decision feel?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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