i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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