Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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