you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So much Jack, so little girl.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
