life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
