i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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