Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
