I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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