the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
this will be a night to untag.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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