Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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