the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
