I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
