I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize