I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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