erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
