can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
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She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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