and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
