They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Randomize
