The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Those nachos came to me in a dream
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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