The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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