based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
