there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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