were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
sex in a hospital.. check
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
