I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
