So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
