1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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