Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
