I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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