dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think your dad took our porno
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
