Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
