That's intense
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
