I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
