My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
