i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
