I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
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Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
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having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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