she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
my liver is dry heaving
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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