I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
