While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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