I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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