I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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