I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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