i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
