You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
