I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
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