I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
