I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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