I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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