Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
