Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
