i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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