Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
