I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
