I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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