I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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