I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
