I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
