This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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