omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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