oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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