He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
