he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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