To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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