I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
