Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry JU1CE hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(305): View more from Florida

He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.

Fav 6 1203 1792
share tweet
(845): View more from New York

I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.

Fav 86 4995 1301
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(775): View more from Nevada

Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.

Fav 20 1565 5027
share tweet
(207): View more from Maine

Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.

Fav 21 4740 1537
share tweet
(843): View more from South Carolina

Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....

(843): View more from South Carolina

I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...

Fav 12 4271 1086
share tweet
(647): View more from Ontario

Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.

Fav 5 1577 4227
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high

Fav 2 1838 1086
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(617): View more from Massachusetts

I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.

Fav 0 99 8
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(651): View more from Minnesota

My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.

Fav 0 60 10
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT