3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
