Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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