I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
