Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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