When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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